"I didn't want to wake up dribbling in a phone box with a trucker's penis in my ear!"
Also, generally you can count on me to:
-Say the wrong thing loudly at the most inopportune moment when everyone else falls silent -Spill something on your freshly steam cleaned carpet -Obsess over any cats that might be around your house and attempt to smuggle them home with me and then proceed to have a sneezing attack because "Ooops, I'm allergic!" -Doodle on every single napkin within my reach at most restaurants -Sing merrily and rather loudly in the car (while being off key, mind you) regardless if I know the words to the song that's being played or not -Demand chocolate -Snort when laughing -Make running commentary while watching movies -Drop puns like they're hot -Stop without any warning to photograph nonsense like moss or dust on glass or anything with leaves -Draw embarrassing blanks when pinned with questions about anything socially relevant -Ruffle your feathers
It's as if someone with grannyish dementia, myopia, a love for rainy days and winter, veterinary work, wearing stripes, hippy scarves, gardening, painting, photography, feathering her nest, old clunky cars, cooking and rioty rock n' roll has been accidentally implanted into the body of a chubby 27 year old with rather poor motor skills and an intense love for tea, foggy days, hot baths, puddle stomping and sci-fi.
Come now, what more you ask for?
If for some odd reason you're still hungry for information about me and my mudane existence and you'd like to check out my weight-loss journal, then you should do that too. Prepare to be titillated: milkshakenfatty
P.S. This journal is friends only. If you're not on the list, you're not missing much. Trust me.